Advice To Teachers

Advice To Teachers

There are certain things which you cannot discuss

in front of a class of sixth graders. The sperm whale

garners a giggle, whether it is navigating the open

ocean far from the land of the platypus and wombat,

or near icebergs where fairy penguins reside.

Never preface the ornithology section of the book

with, “Class, I would like to give you the bird.”

And do not introduce the spotted redshank on the same

day as the woodcock. Woodpeckers can be touch and go,

particularly the hairy or the red-cockaded. The eastern

wood peewee and the buff-breasted sandpiper will draw

sniggers from the males in the back of the room. Brown

boobies will bring a flush to every female cheek. Chaos

comes when the tufted titmouse is mentioned, especially

if one can be found perched in a pussy willow. Steer clear

of stag beetles, if possible, and beavers completely. Horny

toads are thorny issues, jackasses no easier than the Asiatic

wild ass or the dik-dik. Even chickens can be taboo when

the cocks are Jersey Giants or Rhode Island Reds. Above

all, try to make no reference to anything regarding Uranus.